Dreams

Dreamt of you the day before.
You were in my arms,
I kissed your hair,
We were together,
In an embrace that I've missed so much.
But like everything,
It still remains a sad dream,
In which I'll have to continue dreaming,
forever.

what is happening to us?

I thought it would be over,
but why is it so strange.
I seriously don't know what am I doing,
spending more and more time with you again.
is it the right thing to do?
or is it me going deeper and deeper?
God, I wish I knew.

9/9/09

9/9/09
symbolizes forever.
as my love is,
to you.

I love you, Alice
do you remember I do?

Goodbye

To my only love,

will lock my blog after the 18 days,
sorry, I thought it would only be fair if I go on with what I've done.

if you see this, know that I will only love you.
know that only you can make me happy,
only you, only you,
all in all,
my heart was, and is,
only with you.

so, forget my love, after 9th September,
forget my love. and my love shall stop here. with you.

Goodbye, Alice.

a loser like me doesn't deserve your love, an inexperienced lover like me doesn't deserve to love you.

ever wondered why I never said goodbye to you if I can help it? I never wanted to. cause' to me, it meant losing you forever. the ill-mannered act was just an illusion. the childish ass-hole was just a dramatic act.

sorry if I had to hurt you so much these years, sorry if I had to hurt you so in just 2 hours.

I never treasured your chances, thank you for giving them to me. all the while, I should have realized, I'm not worthy of your love.

loving you all this time was true, whether you believe it or not. I forced myself to swallow your love, and as usual, you look as if nothing is wrong, in the end, you still give me a smile that causes me pain.

our memories are left there just like that, I can't just erase you, I can't just hate you. it's not simple at all.

I used to think my love was noble, I used to think that I would win you back with my love. now I realize, it is my love that kept you away, it is myself that keeps you at bay.

you're right, I don't have the faintest idea of how to truly love a person. but I hope that the term 'truly loving a person means you do not own her' is true.

I know you meant well all this while, I know the efforts that you've tried. I just didn't know how to tell you.

I know my words hurt you, I know my actions gave you misleads all this while. I just didn't know how to improve.

you've been honest with me all this while, it was myself that was not. why quarrel with you all this while about love? because all I wanted was to know your heart.

in the end, it is a punishment for me not to own your love, it is a punishment for me not to ever love again. for hurting you all this while, for not realizing your true feelings, for never thinking the best of you, I don't deserve to love.

for that, I vow to never love again. God gave me the chance to meet my one and only love, and I just let her drift away. for that, I will never love.

I never deserved to have you, that's all I can say.

I promise you just one thing, in time to come, I'll think only of you, I'll die loving only you, the only person I would ever love is you, Alice. No one can ever replace you in my heart. I love only you, and that is why, in the end, I can only say,

goodbye.