翁珧峻给李姿倩的第三封信

姿倩，世上最美丽的姿倩，

每次想念你，就会想叫你的名，每一天，一定会对你挂念。 你那独一无二的笑容，我实在是忘不了。

到了这个地步，我也不能做什么。 想要留你在我身边的资格没了，想照顾你一辈子的诺言，除非你愿意，否则我也实现不到，原本想让你幸福的信心，也不知为何，也找不到。

我曾说过，当你遇到你觉得值得让你等待的那一个特别的人，那个人，一定是你的真爱。 我相信你也知道，对我来说，你就是那一个特别的人。 我一直都相信，当你遇到你的真爱时，认识还是不认识，你的心，一定会告诉你，那一个人，就是你的唯一。

我曾说过，有些人，等了一辈子，寻找了一世，也遇不到他们的真爱。 我却不知道是不是上世的福气，上天却让我这么快就遇见了我的真爱。 人家说，失去了，才懂得去珍惜。 我却在我们俩的感情学到，一个人一旦失去了他最珍贵的一半，那个人才可以学会怎样去真真地爱和珍惜。 真的谢谢你让我感受过，谢谢你让我明白爱，也谢谢你曾经爱过我。

你不能接受我爱一个人的方式，我一点也没怪你。 你要的爱，我给不到，你要的全部，我没有能力给完你。 我每次对你的伤害，每次让你流泪，我对不起你。 我全都能接受，全都能忍受，就是不能看到你不开心，不能看到你伤心，不能忍受你被伤害，不能接受你在受苦。

我没有不甘心，没有不开心，因为遇到了你，爱上了你。 这对我来说，足够了。

你问我，为什么不放手，为什么那么执著，我想我告诉过你，我不是放不开，我不是执著，因为真爱，根本不需要放开，因为根本就没有在抓着，因为能爱一个人，是幸福的。

现在也好，以后也好，我都会在这儿，守候着你，守候着我们的爱。 默默地守候，的确让人心痛，但是我还是无法忘记你。能让我开心地，是你的微笑。 能让我幸福的，就是知道你在幸福的事实。 我们能认识，是上天的安排。 所以我永远都会爱着你。

一定要幸福，知道吗？ 哈哈，其实我根本不用担心的，对吧？你那么善良，那么坚强，一定会幸福的。

你知道我爱你的这个事实，就好了。 我相信，总有一天，你真的会明白我的意思。 我从来没有要你回报我对你的好，我只是希望你可以明白，我为你做的全部，一直以来对你的好，出自于真心。

我对你的爱，并不是伟大，而只是真实。

有你这份爱，足够陪着我一生。 有你这份爱，我也不再怕寂寞。

你永远都是我心里那一只漂亮的天鹅。

珧峻

I know you care, but,

You know what the hardest part is?

I know I should not feel this but the feeling still creeps around me,

I know that it will hurt me after but I still want to feel it.

The hardest part?

Every part of me, inside and out, yearns to see you, but another half of me, the rational one, prevents it, pulling me back, stopping me from going to you.

I know what will happen if I do, but I still want to see you. It hurts when things are this way.

I hate this feeling of weakness. I hate this feeling of pain.

You said I'm always sad? Wrong. I was happy. When? Every second when you're with me. Every minute when things isn't what they are now. Every hour when I can see you.

You want me to be happy? You're worried about me? I know that. Truly, I do.

But since you made the decision, then don't worry bout' me kay'? You know things were going to be this way, so why worry now? You understand me better than I do myself, so you should know I would never do anything to make you unhappy.

I keep on asking myself the same question, is it TIME that I need? Maybe.

But if you truly understand, and if you truly care, as long as you're happy everyday, okay, well, maybe not everyday, but most of the time, then it will make my pain more bearable. You want that for me right? =)

Smile kay? =) To me, your smile is the most beautiful thing, an antidote to my pain. Every time I feel unwell, I look for your smile. XD

I'll deal with the pain alone okay?

Since my existence as the unhappy one is causing all the problems between all three of us right?

You, me, him. And also your life.

And since there's no reason making all three suffer because of my unhappiness, yes?

Fine, I'll deal with the pain alone. You just go on happily alright?

I can't even say take care anymore, there's nothing more I can say, just be happy.

Only To You

Since you're the most important person to me, and, might I add, someone I care about the most, I shall not deprive you of the truth k?

You care for him. You're willing to stay and to do everything you can to see him happy.

You think I am not doing everything in my power to make myself happy. To find the reason to be happy. And you gave up on me.

And since I promised you I would never put you through any pressure from your family and our friends because of me anymore, I WILL make good on my promise to you.

I don't want you to be unhappy, and I will do what I proposed to you in my car that afternoon.

He thinks my presence makes him feel incompetent? What I do for you makes him feel down? 'Emo' even? I'll disappear from his sight then. Haha.

I trust you, you know that right? You said you wouldn't put yourself in danger's path, I believe you. Truly I do. As long as you can promise me you'll be happy, I'm willing to promise you anything that you want of me.

-Don't spend anymore cash on you? Done.
-Don't fetch you around so much? After your performance, it shall be done. XD
-Stop treating you extra nice? hmm, can't say I can abide THAT, but, well, I'll do it as minimal as I can. =p

I'm not saying that I'm breaking off contact with you you know? Don't get me wrong, I'm your best friend forever right? Somewhere and someone you feel comfortable with when you need some time off from life. XD As long as I can be that friend to you, I'm happy enough. =)

Do take care k? Annyong. Hehe.

Yours Truly,
Ivan

Quotes of Love

A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge.
(Thomas Carlyle)

At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.
(Plato)

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,
while loving someone deeply gives you courage.
(Lao Tzu)

Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never.
(Charles Caleb Colton)

I have found the paradox,
that if you love till it hurts,
there can be no more hurt,
only more love.
(Mother Teresa)

True love means loving everything about you,
even including the ones that ignites flames in me.
(Ivan Ang) xD

-The Pain-

The pain of being away from you & the pain of being close to you,

Compared to the pain of being away from you, I'll much rather bear with the pain of staying by your side.

At least I can see you smile. It makes the pain worthwhile.

Just so you know, "accepting what you care about is MY WAY of loving you."

不会再怀疑你， 决定全部都相信你

姿倩啊，想对你说，
我，
不会再怀疑你的做法，
不会再对你不公平，
你所做的东西，
决定的事情，
我也决定相信你
=)

(只要你开心，安全，健康，我就满足了。)

为什么？？

姿倩，
虽然知道我在你心目中不是个重要的人，
可是，我爱得最深，却是你，
每一次觉得你对我不公平，就会告诉自己，‘你是没有资格爱她的，因为你没用’
‘你没才华，你不了解她’
‘在她心目中，你从来都没有真真感动过她’
‘你笨’
‘你不停的伤害她’
‘你根本不能照顾她，凭什么说爱她？’

可是，天啊，为什么让我那么深深的爱上她？？
为什么让我踏进一个回头不了的路？？
为什么为她全部做过的事，不能为别的女孩做？？
为什么看不上别的女孩的好？？
为什么不能爱上别人？？
为什么你已经不爱我的这个原理，我就是不能接受，不能面对。
为什么虽然知道对你再多好，你也不会被感动，
永远不会明白我的真心，
永远不能接受我的真心，
为什么？？

我已经累了，已经不期望她回到我身边，
‘只要她开心就好’ 我这句对自己说的谎言，
能维持多久？？
我。。现在只是要脱离这个谎言，
只是要醒来，专心自己的目标，
可是，这份爱，天天的在吃着我的耐心，
天天在喝着我的力量，
我每次要放弃的时候，她的一笑，却又让我恢复原本的状况，
每一次伤了又好，好了又伤，
我心里的痛，对她来说，却不重要，
心里的难受，只好收回，
别人的痛，她一一的告诉我，
别人的失恋，别人的痛，
她的辛苦，她的无奈，
她全都对我说，
她痛的时候，我都感受得到，
可是她却觉得从来没人能明白她。

我虽然不是会减少她的痛的那一个，我却是那个会陪在她身边一起痛的那个。
我虽然不是聪明的那个，会在她伤心，心情不好的时候，都能让她破口大笑的那一个，
可是我却是会在她需要陪伴的时候在她身边，
却是会保护她，不会让她有任何的伤害的那一个，
我虽然不是能满足她的那一个，
可是我却是会尽完全力去让她幸福的那一个，
说爱她的那一些，虽然付出的是100%，
但不开口的我，却是会付出200%的那一个。


我希望我还没放弃我自己之前，可以找到答案。。
希望还能捱下去，
不让自己爱她爱到发疯。

I Miss You

sometimes alone, sometimes together,
it's fine if we're not together all the time,
but..
I miss you,
all the time,
when you're not by my side.


credits~Snow Queen, Han Tae-Woong

sometimes I really hope that you can read my mind

it's frustrating that you can't see what I mean in my eyes sometimes. >.<

sometimes I really hope that you can read my mind once in a while..

still can't get over how breathtakingly beautiful you are

I still can't get over how breathtakingly & heartbreakingly beautiful you are..
Or maybe just the word beautiful doesn't do you justice,
Angelic should be more appropriate..=)

wish I had more time to appreciate it,
this uniqueness of yours.

for some unknown reason,
every time I look at your face, I smile.

If God allows me to have a choice

If God allows me to have a choice, I would rather be just by your side, caring for you all my life.

Although I know whatever that you do has a reason, if without you, I can't live life straight.

I Miss You

do you think my day is complete without you?
do you think I can have 'a nice day' without you?
I may have other friends,
but it isn't the same as being with you.
I'm not procrastinating about your absence,
not implying that you can't have your own life,
but if one day you decide that I'm no longer your confidant,
although it's not your style,
please tell me straight without just drifting off.
without a sound.

Am I?

Am I wrong to stay true to my love for you?
Am I wrong to stick to my decision?
Was I wrong all this while?
Am I wrong to love you?
I never once doubted my love for you,
Why is people doubting my ability to love?
Is it wrong to only love one person forever?
Is it wrong to do so, even though the outcome may not be what I desire?
Why?
Have I not learnt to cherish what is before me rather than give in to my desires?
I know my limits, I know what I want now,
so please, I beg to all the people who cares for me,
this is what I want, this is what I've decided,
please, please do me this one, big favor,
and support me if you want,
but don't discourage me if you do not accept my love.

If you're away from me

Alive but not living,
Dead but not departed,
yeah, hanging in between,
It'll be tough if you're away from me too long. =(

why

you seem to be cropping up in my dreams nowadays.
hmm...wonder why that is.

Thank You

a bit perplexed at this,
but acceptance is divine,
it may or may not be,
whichever it may be,
I thank you for saving my life.
I really am not capable of dealing with this alone,
so I thank God for everything that has been happening,
and I thank you for keeping me alive.

Dreams

Dreamt of you the day before.
You were in my arms,
I kissed your hair,
We were together,
In an embrace that I've missed so much.
But like everything,
It still remains a sad dream,
In which I'll have to continue dreaming,
forever.

what is happening to us?

I thought it would be over,
but why is it so strange.
I seriously don't know what am I doing,
spending more and more time with you again.
is it the right thing to do?
or is it me going deeper and deeper?
God, I wish I knew.

9/9/09

9/9/09
symbolizes forever.
as my love is,
to you.

I love you, Alice
do you remember I do?

Goodbye

To my only love,

will lock my blog after the 18 days,
sorry, I thought it would only be fair if I go on with what I've done.

if you see this, know that I will only love you.
know that only you can make me happy,
only you, only you,
all in all,
my heart was, and is,
only with you.

so, forget my love, after 9th September,
forget my love. and my love shall stop here. with you.

Goodbye, Alice.

a loser like me doesn't deserve your love, an inexperienced lover like me doesn't deserve to love you.

ever wondered why I never said goodbye to you if I can help it? I never wanted to. cause' to me, it meant losing you forever. the ill-mannered act was just an illusion. the childish ass-hole was just a dramatic act.

sorry if I had to hurt you so much these years, sorry if I had to hurt you so in just 2 hours.

I never treasured your chances, thank you for giving them to me. all the while, I should have realized, I'm not worthy of your love.

loving you all this time was true, whether you believe it or not. I forced myself to swallow your love, and as usual, you look as if nothing is wrong, in the end, you still give me a smile that causes me pain.

our memories are left there just like that, I can't just erase you, I can't just hate you. it's not simple at all.

I used to think my love was noble, I used to think that I would win you back with my love. now I realize, it is my love that kept you away, it is myself that keeps you at bay.

you're right, I don't have the faintest idea of how to truly love a person. but I hope that the term 'truly loving a person means you do not own her' is true.

I know you meant well all this while, I know the efforts that you've tried. I just didn't know how to tell you.

I know my words hurt you, I know my actions gave you misleads all this while. I just didn't know how to improve.

you've been honest with me all this while, it was myself that was not. why quarrel with you all this while about love? because all I wanted was to know your heart.

in the end, it is a punishment for me not to own your love, it is a punishment for me not to ever love again. for hurting you all this while, for not realizing your true feelings, for never thinking the best of you, I don't deserve to love.

for that, I vow to never love again. God gave me the chance to meet my one and only love, and I just let her drift away. for that, I will never love.

I never deserved to have you, that's all I can say.

I promise you just one thing, in time to come, I'll think only of you, I'll die loving only you, the only person I would ever love is you, Alice. No one can ever replace you in my heart. I love only you, and that is why, in the end, I can only say,

goodbye.

18 days, 9th of September

fasting for 18 days, after 18 days, it'll all be over, you'll see. if you still care. 9th of September, I'll have to end this.

what do you think?

I wonder nowadays, was it all but a dream? you made it seem like it was all a dream, a past memory, don't know what it means to you but I really wanna know, it puzzles me sometimes when i sit and think about it. You make it seem too easy, just forget about it and just walk away, just put everything behind you. Like it was never there.

You told me, 'don't think too much, I still think of you as my friend.' well, if this is how it's going to be, if this is how you plan to treat me, then I must admit, your definition of how a normal friend treats another friend is truly strange.

牵手：代表他想跟你走下一段路。
抱抱：代表他要给你温暖。
亲你：代表他很爱你。
喂你吃东西：代表他不想饿到你。
送礼物：代表他在乎你。
撒娇：代表他需要你的关心。
自己微笑：代表他在想你。
拔电话给你：代表他无时无刻都想你。
帮你梳头：代表他想跟你白头到老。
背你：代表他要跟你走片天涯。

don't know who sent this recently, but after reading this, I felt it was all true, and it describes perfectly everything that I wanted to tell you through my actions. =(

Thank You For Everything

after last night, everything became clear to me. everything I've lived for, was gone. you've gave up on our love, to you, it wasn't important anymore. at that moment when you said that you could never fall for me ever again, I knew I've lost you. I knew then that I must've hurt you too deep, must've forced you to give up on me. why? why make me do the toughest decision of my life? you said that it was all my doing, you said I let you go away, you said to not wait for something which has no ending, all I can tell you is, when you've met your one true love, it's not that simple to just let it go.

I know I'm not the one for you, I knew that all along, I know you've once loved me as much as I do, but why ask me to let it go? if love is so much a burden for you, why did you ever love? when you're sure that you've met your true love, how can you ever see someone else in the same light again? You're too precious to lose, believe me.

你说过，世上最悲哀的不是生老病死，不是最遥远的距离，而是你爱的人在你面前却不知道你爱他。 这句话说得对啊， 可惜的是，我却不是你爱的人。

you said you would never fall for me again even if I changed, you said it was all in vain, you think I don't know that? you said loving someone forever was childish, if that's what you think, then you probably have not understood what true love is. some people wait all eternity to find their one true love, I thank God to have let me found mine so soon. =)

I once told you, 'you don't marry someone you can live with,you marry the person who you cannot live without. and if the person you cannot live without lives with another, you live alone till the end.' believe me, this is too true.

I may not have known it would become this way the first time i met you, but I never regretted making the decision that you were my one and only soul-mate forever. I love you for who you are, no matter how you may be.

I vowed to keep you in my heart forever, and I shall keep that promise till the end. whatever that may separate us,either by fate,or by destiny, my love for you is forever,and ever..without an end.

everything that I've done for you, I just hope you knew, all i ever hoped for was your understanding, that through these gestures, was the only way for me to show my love for you, without destroying the relationship and trust that we have built during those times we shared, those memories we cherished.

放掉你的诀定，不是我想要做的，不过如果不说，你却要和我断绝关系，在那种情况下，我却能如何呢？我不能和你断掉我们唯一存在的关系，为有保持这样。

希望你明白，爱，虽然不是生活上的全部，但它可是让人开心和开朗的唯一理由。给家人的爱，给爱人的爱，这些都是爱，如果只有一个，我怎样能开心呢？

I truly thank you from the deepest corners of my heart for everything that you've given me, all the precious memories, all the love that you've shown me. it's enough to last me forever, who would have thought 41 days of love was all I needed for a lifetime?..XD

My last prayer of all, is this. It is useless to say it,I know, but it rises out of my soul. For you,and for any dear to you, I would do anything. I would embrace any sacrifice for you and for those dear to you. Try to hold me in your mind, at some quiet times, as sincere in this one thing I ask of you. The time will come when new ties will be formed about you； ties that will bind you yet more tenderly and strongly to your home. When the picture of the person you call your soul-mate looks up in yours, when you see your own bright beauty spring up anew in your blessed children, think now and then that there is a man who would give his life to keep a life you love beside you..my love..for all eternity. So, as long as you're happy, what else matters? =)

I hope you know, to be loved is a blessing, to love is not a sin. Love is everything someone needs, Love for your family, Love for your friends, and your special one. Don't say love is nothing, Love may give you the strength to live and to face problems, Love may also take away life. Hence, learn how to love, and be loved, Learn how to say 'I Love You'...Because you won't know what will happen the next minute, you might not have the chance to tell him or her how much you once loved or cherished them in your life. I promised you that I would be happy, I shall keep that promise..as long as you keep smiling, as long as you stay happy, I would be happy too. =)

Why has it begun? When will it ever end? When will all this madness become an end? Suffering ceaselessly through the times, wondering where's the exit, it's only a matter of time, though it feels like it will never go away, it's just a waste of time, and it's not my line, the great burden it contains, i never dreamed i would retain, how can i throw it away? When all it does is stay and stain? Though stupid it may sound, but memories it contains, precious to me it is, but it's not a bliss, it's a fantasy, never a reality, so it will never come around, why am I dwelling? In this never-ending story? Where there is nothing of use, drowning in the pool of sadness, where there is nothing but despair, one day it will crumble, sadly with me, if i do not get out of it, as quickly as time allows me..

I love you, I loved you before, I love you now, and till the ends of time for me, I will still love you. I stay true in this one oath that I've taken a long time ago, it stays, it stays, till my heart stops beating.

take care & follow your heart wherever it takes you k?..^.^

Goodbye? I don't really know myself..=)

how does it feel when you're on the verge of losing everything?
what does it feel like when you're ready to leave everything behind?
some may disagree, some may say I'm mad,
well, I leave it to fate & destiny, the two brothers whom I have always revered,
I know that if I don't say this now, I'll regret it for all eternity,

I humbly & sincerely apologise to everyone I've ever known for the wrongs that I've done in this short but sweet period of time that I've been by your side.. I'm blessed to have known you guys and it is my utmost pleasure to have made your acquaintance.

I truly thank you for everything you've all once done for me, I...can't put it in words what I really feel for you guys. Good luck in continuing the chapters in each of your lives.

To the people I once held a grudge, I am sorry to have done what I've done, if I had the chance to do it all over again, believe me, I would have done it differently..=)

To three of the most important people in my life,

To the one who has been taking care of me all this while, I know I may disappoint you if I leave suddenly, I'm really sorry, I promise to repay you in my next..well, next time.

To another one of them, thank you for being by my side for so long, I know I may not listen to you most of the time, but, believe it or not, I really appreciate all that you've done for me.

To the most important one of all, you know how I feel about you, before, now, and forever..be with someone who, well, will take care of you in a way I would..okay?..=) That way, I can go peacefully if I ever need to. I love you forever.

What Do You Do

what do you do when you know you've lost her trust?
what do you do when you want her to just be happy?
do you get the best for her and wish her well?
结果真的是那么重要吗？
你的一切，已经成为我生命的一部分。
可能我已经不是你曾经相信的人，
可是，你永远都是我唯一能把所有的心里话都说给你听的人。
可是，现在，你已经不想再听了。

Should take a leaf out from the movie 'more than blue', it's the only thing I could do I guess.

I love you.

~Happy 18th Birthday~

All I wanted was to make sure you at least had a if not memorable, but a normal birthday. What I did was what a best friend would do for another on his/her birthday.

God bless you. I do hope you'll forgive me if I did anything very wrong on your 18th birthday. All I hoped for was to at least see you smile on your birthday.

I'm sorry Alice, we're forever best friends, I would never want to hurt you in any other way. Please be happy..k?

Take care.

What's Your Greatest Wish?

What's your greatest wish?

If you had that one day to have everything your own way, to acquire anything you wished for on that day, what would you ask for?

for me, I'll wish that you lead a happy life throughout your entire lifetime, without worries, without harm, without illness, be it mentally or physically, I would ask that you meet that special someone who truly loves you and is willing to take care of you, every aspect of you considered and up kept in the most perfect and original state that you were. You must mean the world to him and other than you, no one can ever take your place in his heart. As you are for me..=(

I would ask only this, that you find true love, and true happiness. And that you live happily forever and ever..even if it means without me by your side. As you will always be with me by my side, even if we're a million miles apart. Because to me, you're forever in my heart.

You know I wish the world for you, just tell me you need me, and I'll come running.. =x

Every Breath I Take

Being there for you when you needed someone, coming right away when you asked me to, should've gone away, should've not stayed. But why am I still here? Why does my heart keeps telling me to stay? I realized it's because I can no longer bear being away from you, can no longer bear not seeing you, you've become part of my life, part of my soul. I cannot just walk away anymore, cannot just drift away as and when I want to.

Every part of me, every sinew of my physique, every second of my life clings to you, you're everything to me, you're the world to me. My heart is already with you, do keep it safely? Till the day it stops beating, every breath I take, is for your sake.

I love you. Hope I gave you a memorable birthday..=)

As Long As You're Happy, What Else Matters?

what is it about the whole affair that i care so much? what is it about everything that i think too much? we discussed about it today, why can't we ever have a normal friendship? why can't we get along normally? You told me it was because I liked you, it was because I have feelings for you. well, maybe it is, maybe it's because of that, I don't really know. I'm already dead tired trying to find the reason, trying to contemplate everyday, trying this, trying that. And I still can't find the answer. maybe I've tried the wrong approach. maybe I've tried the wrong way. maybe I should just do what i vowed to do all along, to go with the flow, to watch you go through life's many chapters, not to pressure you with anything regarding our complicated relationship. I got jealous, I admit. I realized it now. Shouldn't have stooped so low, shouldn't have did what I wasn't supposed to do, should not have risen to the bait, not to take it to heart, whatever it is that I knew would cause me heart-ache.

I know now I guess. since I gave you my life, I shall live this way. This is the path I chose, this is the road that I shall take. Whoever drops by in your life, even if it was just for a moment, or even it is forever, as long as you're happy, what else matters? =)

I love you.

Do You Know

do you know?
falling in love with you,
was not by my choice,
but of fate's command.

i can't stop loving you,
because it was God's mission for me.

Credits~ More Than Blue a.k.a A Story Sadder Than Sadness

Love Is

Romeo must have been so worried,
loving Juliet,
but afraid he might lose her,
Why did he drink the poison?
perhaps he knew,
To love someone, is to give her everything.

Love is like dry ice,
sometimes cold,
sometimes hot.

You've given me so much,
I feel blessed just knowing you.

I love you.

credits~More Than Blue a.k.a A Story Sadder Than Sadness

You may be gone, but I know you're still there.

told myself not to,
told myself never again,
but why?
why does the sight of your face,
why does your scent,
your touch,
brings back a thousand memories,
brings me back in time.

i close my eyes,
savoring the moment,
never wanting it to disappear.

i tell myself,
that its gone,
that it may never come back,
you,
my lifeline,
my lifetime,
is somewhere out there,
i lost it on my own accord,
let it go away without tying a line,
my heart keeps telling me to calm down,
to accept fate as it is,
but,
uncontrollable reactions in me,
tells me you're still there,
still somewhere nearby,
telling me to hold on,
to catch hold,
where are you?

i seem to have lost you.
but the feeling, the love,
was never gone.

love you for all eternity.

Words I Want To Say

I'm alone... A rainy day...
I'm alone... Time we spent at that place
Because it might hurt, I tried to hold in my tears
If I close my eyes, then it might get better
These constant unreasonable tears
Continues to well up, but it doesn't fall
It doesn't show, I cannot see it
But why does her smile always appear?

If a day passes, will I be able to erase her beautiful features
Just once, I would want to go back to say the words I wanted to say

Can you hear it... the sound of the rain water
Can you hear it... the sky is crying as well
If I cannot cry because my tears dried up
The sky will borrow my tears
The tears that stopped in my eyes
It flows from my ears, and it just stops
Can't hear it... it cannot be heard
But why, just by the sound of her voice can it be heard?

If a day passes, will I be able to erase her beautiful features
Just once, I would want to go back to say the words I wanted to say

Those words... countless times in one day ~
It shouts in my heart ~

If a day passes, will I be able to erase her beautiful features
Just once, I would want to go back to say the words I wanted to say

I'm sorry...
I'm alone... A rainy day...

Credits~Kim Tae Woo

Who You Should Spend Your Life With

you don't marry someone you can live with,
you marry the person who you cannot live without.

yeah, and if the person you cannot live without lives with another,
you live alone till the end.

still loving you no matter whoever you're with.

been to places where we used to be

been going to places we've been before,
retracing your steps and mine,
the park,
the places we've stopped in my car,
malls,
really can't believe all this would be gone in 41 days,
is fate and destiny really that cruel?

i love you.

My Stupidity

every minute seems like a day to me,
every day seems like a year to me,
Damn.

Looks like it's gonna be a long year.
I know it's hard for you too,
Like you said,
Some things that are gone can never come back,
yeah, maybe it is.

Missing you like crazy.

Why?

why can't I do it?
why can't I forget?
everywhere I go,
everything I do,
your shadow is there,
your scent is there,
your image,
your touch,
your memory,
i'm going insane by the minute,
thought i could do it,
thought i could put you to the back of my mind,
what can i do??

I seriously miss you a lot,
wanna call you,
but,
I know I shouldn't,
God, i'm really pathetic.

I still love you. But, do you still?
Stupid question, I know.

yeah, some people just shouldn't be in love

yeah, some people just shouldn't be in love,

maybe.

Take care,

In the choices you'll make.

I love you.

Godbless You

I know he's your friend and everything, you've promised him and all that, but for once, you've seriously broken my heart. I know I'm the one who asked you about it, and maybe I deserved it. I never knew it could happen, never wanted it ever, but you've broken my heart.

In pieces, fragments, you may ask me why, what did you do wrong, you did NOTHING wrong, trust me. But if you knew, if you cared, if you knew it was what I didn't really like of all things, if I really mattered to you, if you could have just told me beforehand, although I know it may not be necessary to you, then maybe things could have turned out differently.

People move on all the time, for some, it may be slower, for some others, it just takes a day. You always tell me action speaks louder than words, well, if that's the case, I don't know what to believe anymore.

I wondered at that moment, at the moment you told me about it, have you already moved on? Have you gave up on us already? Is there nothing in me that could have held you back? Well, yes or no, your actions have spoken, as clear as ever, to me.

And at that moment, my heart shattered, all my beliefs burst, everything I have trusted, just fell down, just like that.

Love you still, no matter what. I really don't know why.

My Heart Is With You Forever & Ever

Staying true to you is what I've decided,
And it's what I shall fulfill.
In years to come,
You'll always & forever be,
My reason for living,
And loving.
You are,
my soul mate.

I love you,
Alice

Yours truly,
Ivan

For You

Although it's become this way,
I'll have to harden my resolve,
For you, or for me,
You'll have to get through this obstacle,
I'll forever be here supporting you,
In the future,
With or without me,
You still have to get through,
For forever to happen,
Be it me or be it not,
You'll still have to find true happiness,
I'll still be here,
For you,
Whether you want me nearby or far away,
I'll still be around,
Forever being by your side,
And truly,
Till death does my heart stop beating,
That's when I'll no longer be able to hold your love,
No longer able to keep my promise,
To protect, to persevere, our love.

I still love you,whether you want to hear it or not.

-It's Just Hard-

just can't seem to close it up, our memories, our times, your scent, your every caress..
how can I forget it just like that? Trying very hard to keep it real, but, it just doesn't work like that.

just can't seem to hold the barriers that I've been building, just can't seem to keep away,
I know I made the choice, I know I forced you to give up on me, but, it's just hard.

just hoping, that in your memories, my true feelings is with you.
the true happiness that I've discovered, is that I've fallen in love with you,
even if the world is at an end, even if everything disappears,
just hoping, you'll forever remember my arms are always around you, holding you, supporting you,

but only love can say, try again or walk away, but I believe, for you and me, the sun will shine one day.

so I just play my part, pray you'll have a change of heart, that I can make you see it through, that something only true love can do.

don't know why I'm still holding on,
you seem to have let it go away.

still loving you anyway.

A Day

A day may be just a short while, but it lasts forever.

Loving someone and then losing him/her may be heart-breaking, but the memory of it is treasured forever.

I love you
Although I know you already don't wanna hear it.

Last Letter To You

Dearest ZhiQian ,

Ironic how we ended up this way huh? I know it's hard for you if i say and do this but, it
'll be better for you I guess, I wouldn't want my condition to affect you too, I should have realized it earlier but, guess I was to caught up with trying to make you happy, trying to keep you with me. No words can describe how was i feeling at that moment, watching you opening the door of my car and getting out, saying a last goodbye, watching your house door closing while you walk towards your house without a backwards glance, my world shattered right then...God knows how much I wanted to get out of my car and to pull you into my arms, the restraint I had was only because I wanted you to be happy. Every memory we had in this month flooded through me again and again, me holding your hand, you lying in my arms, the times we spent together, it's just hard to forget, although you've given me precious memories to last me a lifetime, well, I guess I'm just not prepared to lose you so soon.

I love you, I love you, I love you...i could say this on and on to you, but would it really touch your heart?.. I truly thank you for trying to understand me, for putting up with me while i was down, I know you've done everything you can to make me happy, but I didn't treasure your efforts, didn't realize how much I meant to you. In the end, the only fact that kept my sanity was believing that you loved me, and I loved you. On the way home, all I wanted was to just speed through the red light, to end my life. But what good would it do?.. Making you sad forever? My death forever on your conscience? It's just pointless.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be, maybe we just weren't destined to be together, if that's the case, well, I really hope you'll find your happiness, don't stay sad, don't stop smiling, it's not worth to torture yourself over me. It's fine if you're bored of hearing this but, do take good care of yourself, I may not be around that often anymore... It really is the hardest decision that I've ever made, to disappear from your sights forever, trust me when I really want to stay by your side, to take care of you, to do everything I can to make you happy, but I guess fate just won't allow me to do that.

Don't worry bout' me k? I'll hold on to your words and try to cure my condition, only for you I would have the strength to do whatever it takes to bring out the best in me. I'll live on, I can't guarantee to live on happily but..I'll just live on. If you promise me to stay happy and to find your true happiness. Promise me you'll find someone who can really take care of you, there IS someone out there who is able to do it, believe me.

My heart is with you forever, please take good care of it? I love you, forever.

Eternally loving you,

Ivan

A True Apology To You

Looking back, I realized how blessed I am to be with you. To be able to see you almost everyday, to be right next to you, to be able to be by your side whenever you need me. To be able to do anything I can for you, is my dream come true, I realized also that I've over-stepped the line of my dreams a little, and for that error I've made, I think that I may have robbed you of your personal space as well. I am sorry for being so selfish and inconsiderate of your needs.

Forgive me of my ignorance, I've troubled you in the sense of your personal time. Forgive me if you know of my mistake but because of your kindness, you've not said a word. I've overlooked this prime factor of a relationship. Both of us do have our personal space, you've given me ample time for mine, but because of my foolishness, forgot about some things that can only be done alone.

Do forgive me? I know now what is wrong in some places, I will strive my best to correct, to improve myself, not to be the best for you, but to be someone whom you can always turn to whenever you need a shoulder and a listener to all your problems, dilemmas, difficulties and whatever that ails you.

I love you forever, cause' forever means eternal.

I Love You For Who You Are

I know my communication skills is bad, and I know sometimes I may not understand. But I just hope sometimes you can understand, my flaws needs time. You said you would try to accept, I said I would try to understand. Sometimes misunderstandings may arise from our differences, but if we just tried just a little bit more, I believe we will reach a mutual understanding eventually.

I love you for who you are, no matter how you may be. I hope you feel the same way about me too. This text message was never meant to hurt or pin-point at any thing or any reason, its just what my heart wants to tell you.. My heart is, and will be with you forever.

-Don't You Believe Me?-

You're that someone special,
You're that someone sweet,
Whom I would give up my life for,
Without a moment's doubt I creed.

How could you hurt someone without knowing?
How could I know what was coming?
I never denied the fact that I was hurting you,
But how could you not believe that I didn't know?

I've once said forever,
I'll say it once again,
Forever & ever it will be,
My love for you will stay,
I've gambled my sanity on this one, last chance,
I don't know how long it will stay,
I'll always do my best for you,
But forever will become never if you don't help me too.

You're taken my last breath away,
Once you're gone it will never come back.
I have & always will love you,
My love for you is forever,
But if you don't feel it through,
Sorry I have failed I should say.

Believe me when I say I would never leave you,
Believe me when I say I'll never stop loving you,
But if you can't accept me as I am,
My efforts in the end will still be like water on paper to you,

I love you. No matter what happens.

Something I Realised..

I look at the only person I ever loved so deeply, and finally I realized what true happiness is. Just by looking at your face. Only you makes me feel special, only you makes me smile, I realized how much you mean to me, and I never wanted to let go ever since.

I'm already addicted to you.

It's true.

-Your Smile-

Your smile warms my heart, makes the world complete, brings out the best in me, melts the fire in me, makes my grey skies sunny, my feeling soars when I see your smile. A true potion to my estranged heart. Only your smile touches my soul, only your gaze makes me realize true happiness.

You're the only one i ever wanted.
Forever.

~I Sometimes Wonder~

I sometimes wonder,do you feel the love that is reserved only for you.
I sometimes wonder,do you know how much it hurts,just thinking of you,
The pain is sweet,for it's you in my heart,the pain is bearable,cause' its you
in my soul.

I sometimes wonder,i see it in your eyes,your bewilderment,at my treatment,
I sometimes wonder,you seem to know what i meant,what i've done.
Seeing you everyday,keeps the flame blazing,keeps my heart running,
gets me through the day,filling my hunger,diminishes my exhaustion.

However tired i may be,just seeing you again,makes me energized.
Just by looking at your face,your eyes,makes wonders in my life.
I hope you know,that whatever that may happen between us,
Whatever that may separate us,either by fate,or by destiny,
My love for you is forever,and ever..without an end.

I love you.

One Failure doesnt mean an eternal hideaway

Don't know how to put it,but your concept of true love,your idea of a relationship,just doesn't comply with rationality. Maybe you've been hurt,maybe you've been betrayed,but that doesn't mean you should close the doors to your heart. Shutting out love,thinking true love is just a myth,living on with the thought that the person who you love most will betray you one day,you haven't even tried, didn't even give yourself the chance to experience,what true love can do. The past is long gone,i hope you remember that,not everyone in this world is out to hurt you,to betray you. Running from reality isn't smart, hiding yourself from your true feelings doesn't help, you may have your differences,you may have your habits,your views,your attitudes,but if the special someone is willing to give and take,why can't you? Why can't you live happier with the fact that he's loving you?..

p.s-i know i've failed,but i don't want him to lose you too..you're too precious to lose,don't know if you remember but it's true..

Everything

Everything i do for you,every little thing,every gesture,every thought of you,comes from the deepest corner of my heart,the very depths of my soul,never expecting any repayment,never wanting,never wishing for anything more but your understanding,your knowing that my every simple gesture,every thought of you,however small or discreet,is just to say that I love you.

Never wavering,never once doubting my love for you,for it comes from the sincerest part of me. All i ever hoped for was your understanding,that through these gestures,is the only way for me to show my love for you,without destroying the relationship and trust that we have built during those times we shared,those memories we cherished.

My love for you will never change,till the ends of time,for i know there's no one else i need,no one else that can do what you can,no one else who's as perfect,except you,my love...

p.s-i doubt that you'll read this anyway,but sometimes i just wonder,what's the point of it all?..

-Valentine's-

This valentine's day,
I compose this poem,
Dictated only for you,
On this special day.

This morning the cool wind blows,
Enveloping you within,
Whispering to you all my love,
And my message it shall bring.

It is on this very special day,
All lovers dictates to each other,
The sacred word of valentine,
And the communion that it engraves.

In this humble love poem,
My meaning in it is plain,
I hope in the years to come,
You will always remember,
This one special,day.

p.s-it doesn't really rhyme,it's just what i wanna tell you.