Last Letter To You

Dearest ZhiQian ,

Ironic how we ended up this way huh? I know it's hard for you if i say and do this but, it
'll be better for you I guess, I wouldn't want my condition to affect you too, I should have realized it earlier but, guess I was to caught up with trying to make you happy, trying to keep you with me. No words can describe how was i feeling at that moment, watching you opening the door of my car and getting out, saying a last goodbye, watching your house door closing while you walk towards your house without a backwards glance, my world shattered right then...God knows how much I wanted to get out of my car and to pull you into my arms, the restraint I had was only because I wanted you to be happy. Every memory we had in this month flooded through me again and again, me holding your hand, you lying in my arms, the times we spent together, it's just hard to forget, although you've given me precious memories to last me a lifetime, well, I guess I'm just not prepared to lose you so soon.

I love you, I love you, I love you...i could say this on and on to you, but would it really touch your heart?.. I truly thank you for trying to understand me, for putting up with me while i was down, I know you've done everything you can to make me happy, but I didn't treasure your efforts, didn't realize how much I meant to you. In the end, the only fact that kept my sanity was believing that you loved me, and I loved you. On the way home, all I wanted was to just speed through the red light, to end my life. But what good would it do?.. Making you sad forever? My death forever on your conscience? It's just pointless.

Maybe it just wasn't meant to be, maybe we just weren't destined to be together, if that's the case, well, I really hope you'll find your happiness, don't stay sad, don't stop smiling, it's not worth to torture yourself over me. It's fine if you're bored of hearing this but, do take good care of yourself, I may not be around that often anymore... It really is the hardest decision that I've ever made, to disappear from your sights forever, trust me when I really want to stay by your side, to take care of you, to do everything I can to make you happy, but I guess fate just won't allow me to do that.

Don't worry bout' me k? I'll hold on to your words and try to cure my condition, only for you I would have the strength to do whatever it takes to bring out the best in me. I'll live on, I can't guarantee to live on happily but..I'll just live on. If you promise me to stay happy and to find your true happiness. Promise me you'll find someone who can really take care of you, there IS someone out there who is able to do it, believe me.

My heart is with you forever, please take good care of it? I love you, forever.

Eternally loving you,

Ivan